density

somehow i am moving back to the east coast, again. i never thought i would. right before i left boston to return to portland i drove out to cape cod and province town. my friend and i assented the clock tower of the unitarian church in town and looked out over the atlantic. it was a clear warm day and the water was such a light blue it looked tropical. i thought of the first pilgrims arriving near by and then had the distinct thought that i would never in my life revisit that place. it was the first time in my life that i had ever gone somewhere and thought i will die before i return here.

but here i am 14 years later packing for the east coast. not boston, not province town, but the east coast all the same and a city bigger and denser than the one i live in now. as an adult i am beyond excited to live in new york city. the idea of the subway and not having a car is thrilling, the seasons, warm summer nights, an ice skating rink in prospect park, the art, the music, the bars, the nightlife, the culture, the parks and the gardens. i have often thought that new york as a kind of disneyland for adults.

still i wonder and worry, where does that leave G? sure maybe momma doesn’t need and crave nature as i once did, maybe i am embracing my urbaness, but what about G? i have no doubt she will be just fine. she is already an urban kid, she has never known nature and so doesn’t miss it and is mostly just confused when we make our way into it, but that isn’t what i want for her. i don’t want her to be confused when she sees the earth beneath her feet.

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