What do you want in 2013? That is the question I want to ask all of my friends margies group and beyond. 40 is getting closer and what do you want? More romantic dates? End suffering? The baby to sleep through the night? Engage in the political process? Go to the gym? Draw more? Cook more? Start a family? Add to your family? Write more? What do you want and how are you going to get there? It goes without saying I want most of the above, but really what I want in 2013 is to accept my cynicism about the “joys” and trappings of parenting. I want to accept that my cynicism can co-exist as a voice right along next to my love and adoration of my daughter. My cynical voice is a good one. It is often funny, witty and on point. It focuses on the absurd with a lucidity I can’t find elsewhere and as long as I don’t let it rule the roost I need to accept it and let it speak up.
A good friend of mine recently sent me the book Drunk, Naked and Writing, by Adair Lara. She quotes J.P. Donleavy about writing, “Writing is turning your worst moments into money.” So for me 2013 is going to be about embracing the cynical voice rather than trying to smother it out of fear that I will be judged as a bad mom. In that light my first post of 2013 is going be about how the park bores me to distraction.